Ahhh, the **** it's. They only work temporarily and usually end up giving us worse problems. It is good mental health to strive for a goal and not meet that goal and be dissapointed. It is not good mental health to destruct. Step back, regroup and try to look at what you can/want to do next. The beating up, retrogroove doesn't work. What can you learn, how can you move forward (if that is indeed what you want to do at this time) at least you have a talent..I'm sure it brings alot to you. Hang in there