You must learn to forgive yourself, that is the way forward. You were a child, you made some dumb decisions, it doesn't make you any less of a person! You're not soiled or dirty, just much wiser than most your age BCOZ of your past. I also did questionable things in my teens which led to alot of self-loathing, but I forgave myself, and in that forgiveness, I learned to love the NEW me. My past choices, helped shape the woman I am today, bcoz I learned from them. and I use my knowledge to guide those who may find themselves in a similar situation, or to avoid that road if possible. You've already learned 1 VERY important lesson here, you are loved and accepted despite your past! Your mom and bf don't define you by your past, so there's really no reason you should