* (Long rant ahead, Sorry)

Hi everyone,

I would like to start off by saying, that I do not have a very close relationship with my mother. I mean we do care for on another but would I say that I could freely talk and express things to her? No.
But I still listen to her and respect her wishes whenever she tells me to do something (because hey it's her house right?) . However sometimes it can seem a bit odd....for example today I asked how she slept when she awoke this morning and she said, “Fine...” and I replied “That's good”, but then all of a sudden she asked me a question that was in my opinion, random. She asked very seriously “Are you angry?” and I looked at her a bit surprised and replied “ No, why?”. Then she goes on to talk about how she just had a a dream where I was very angry to the point it was scary and that she “Did not like that”. Which ok that's fine, but then she starts bombarding me with odd questions such as, “Have you been talking to your cousin online?” (I should mention that my cousin is into some pretty weird stuff and suffers from depression and anger problems so she believes he might be influencing me somehow). I reply a little shocked “No, I don't”. I've never talked to anyone in my family via email, IM, Skype etc.. So I couldn’t really see what she was getting at. Then she went on saying “I'm also going to check those oomin books you've been reading” (She meant Moomin which are a series of finnish children books, but she mispronounced it because she was angry) Implying that I might be reading something odd... and I replied“ Ok, that's fine I'll go get them for you.” I mean, I could understand if I “actually had some sort of violent mood swing, but doing all of this based off of a dream? I don't really understand that reasoning. It knocks me off guard the things she comes up with.


I guess that it's just because she cares and doesn't want anything “negative” to influence me but how she goes about as seeing almost everything that she either (a) can't comprehend (b) dislikes all of a sudden out of the blue, as negative baffles me. From movies to TV shows and video games even books. It could be “approved” one minute, and then she'll get into some weird mood and promptly decides that I am not allowed to play/watch/read whatever it was that was once allowed. Now when I was younger (Around middle school) I was stupid and decided I was going to like those things anyway. That ended as you can imagine, very poorly. Eventually as I got older I wised up and decided whatever my mom told me she didn't like I wouldn't like it anymore. Whether I thought she was being unreasonable or not.



Also my mother is the type of person who wears her emotions on her sleeve ( she has one nasty temper if she's provoked) and always believes that she is right. She will openly voice her opinion about something but if you happen to disagree she will get upset. Maybe it's partly to do with her upbringing and also maybe from the volatile relationship she has with my father, I'm not sure. It can be very emotionally draining and sometimes when I was younger I would break into tears from their fighting (on top of other things I have to worry about such as middle-school). Which she would shout and tell me to “stop crying”. Which ok maybe I got over emotional...but why does she get to express her feelings but not let me express mine? Also one time when I was younger she was very upset with me because I wasn't working the coffee pot correctly. She backhanded me and I started to cry. She did apologize later..but if I were to bring up that moment today she would not remember and probably think I was making it up or mis-remembering.



Now I only have one more year of high-school and then I will be out of the house.
It's just makes me a little sad not being able to talk to her about these things.

*Phew* I feel better now. I know I'll probably come off as a whiney teen,
but I'm glad I was able to type this out...and if anyone had any advice
with dealing with this...I would be very appreciative.