Moose.....seems I remember talking about the music situation with you in the past. I took piano lessons from the time I was 5 years old.....then in junior high, I decided to learn the flute. I took lessons, played in the band, orchestra & chamber groups......I got into college & thought....shoot, the only thing I have done all my life is music, so I should be good enough to get my degree in it.

I went to the local junior college & actually got my AA degree in music. Took all the classes & also took lessons & even bought a beautiful silver professional flute......I thought I was serious about my music, but I always knew that there were others out there who were so much better than I was.....& I could practice 8 hours a day & end up not improving to the point they were........I realized that with music, we can be good & we are quite capable of performing & doing well.....but when I decided to go on to get my BA in music, I realized that there was just no way that I could ever be as good as the others. I couldn't come close to playing the music that was required at the different levels of proficiency. I wasn't putting myself down.....I was being realistic. I think it's hard for a musician to be realistic because we are able to perform at certain levels & do it very successfully. But when I got into the degree classes & Jean Pierre Rampal actually did a clinic at our college.....the most outstanding flutist in the world (IMO)......my fingers would have been stumbling all over my flute. I played some really wonderful chamber music performances, but the level required to get through an hour senior recital would have been completely impossible. It left me for quite awhile, wondering what direction I needed to go in because I was determined to come out of college with a degree & a career.......that was when I looked into computers & accounting & business programming......there are plenty of other possibilities........the thing with music is that we do have some level of talent.......but it's important for us to be honest with ourselves & honestly know if we really do have the talent to achieve the level that is required for graduating.

I have a friend who got her music degree in voice.....it was the most grueling senior recital she had to perform.....lots of classical & some opera. I played a flute part for one of the pieces she performed, so had the wonderful opportunity to listen to her senior recital. Music is not an easy major......it's not just the performing, but there are lots of harmony classes & writing music & knowing the history. The school work part of it is the easiest & if that was all that was required, I would have done well.

I loved playing my flute & played much until 5 years ago when it was stolen out of my truck when I was driving back to California to bring more of my things to KY when I left my husband after 33 years of being married.....loosing that flute was a huge crush on my life as it had been a huge part of my life & helped me get through some major depression...but haven't been able to replace it & just can't play a lessor flute.........music can still be a huge part of our life even if we don't have the degree in it. It's better to focus on a degree that will really take you into a career that will pay & that will be a successful direction for your life.....you can always enjoy music & perform at the level you are comfortable without having to have the degree.

It's hard when they are the ones telling you that you aren't as good as they want......it's really not that much easier when I had to tell myself that same thing.

I understand when you have your mind set on one direction & end up finding a road block.....I found that road blocks are for a good reason most times because it forces me to go in a different direction that usually turns out better in the long run & I never would have gone that way if I hadn't run into the road block.

Don't spend time getting drunk & feeling sorry for yourself.....put your energy into looking for another direction.....it's ok to grieve.....but not to hurt yourself in the grieving process. Take care....a new path will show up & it's important for you to go looking for what will interest you......I am sure you will find your interest & will still be able to enjoy your singing.