Quote:
Originally Posted by Didgee Eeyou
Nonverbal communication refers to body language, facial expressions and voice inflection. About 60% of communication is done in this way.
We reveal our state of mind through nonverbal communication, without even knowing it. Some people are superb at interpreting these subtle gestures. It amazes me. I don't think people read minds. They just infer based on what they are hearing and seeing.
Eye contact is important for the NT, since it conveys a lot about a person. Most view the eyes as entry into the soul and would like to see them, when in conversation. Lack of eye contact can impart: arrogance, deceit, despair, reticence, dishonesty, unfriendliness, negativity, etc...
If you wear sunglasses because of light sensitivity, tell the other person. Most are understanding and able to see beyond that. Personally, I am not bothered by sunglasses, but I (now) can understand why most NTs are bothered by it. (Thinking of this reminds me of Les Claypool. I have never seen his eyes, even in concert.)
People are very perplexing!
My AS group has a lot of great resources on how to navigate the mainstream world and maintain sanity at the same time. Perhaps, you can look into your local group. I have found them helpful, in my quest for self discovery. Understanding AS, I think will really help, because it is a part of who you are. My mother points that out to me, a lot.
So many of the traits that you fight with, like perfectionism and dwelling on the past, are typical of AS. I am well acquainted with them and the despair that they cause. We tend to over think and get stuck on one facet of life. I hear that in your posts. Perhaps, you can explore this with your therapist.
Nothing can convince me that you are a defect. You deserve happiness and love, like the rest of us.
I have recently realized comparing myself to an NT is unjust, because I think and experience the world very differently from them. We just have to learn how to get along better in their world.
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I'll never understand this - I would think that anything concluded from nonverbal communication would have a high risk of error and miscalculation, therefore shouldn't be used as a reliable source of information about that individual and their state of mind.
Moreover, why would such a thing like eye contact be interpreted as anything other than eye contact? Instead of all those negative characteristics, why not think of a lack of eye contact as just that, a lack of eye contact? It's as baffling to me as being told that I could be thought of as a serial killer because I am not standing straight - connection? If everything I do is scrutinized like this, it's no wonder I am alone, because I will forever make a new mistake.
And how can you see someone's soul through their eyes? It's debatable that the human soul even exists, and if the eyes are the entry into a person's soul, obviously few look at my eyes because nobody knew a single thing about my abusive past or the issues I struggle with for almost 20 years.
Well actually when I looked in the mirror wearing the sunglasses, I look incredibly threatening
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I don't understand people and society at large. I've always thought that being kind and respectful should be sufficient enough to be given a chance.
Drives me insane and makes me want to pull my hair out learning all this. Truthfully, I think to myself why I should have to learn all this, because if I truly am as wonderful as I am told, than others should be able to look past something as insignificant as eye contact. Although I was diagnosed with autism, what I truly suffer from is a society that refuses to make reasonable accommodations and accept differences in others. Maybe instead of all of AS persons conforming to society's rigid and inflexible rules of behavior that society should be more accepting of the differences and diversity of the human condition.
You were right when you said I am a contemplative individual, because I find it hard to accept rules that seem to have no explanation for their existence; "just because" does not suffice as an explanation. My ability to think critically and outside the box I think are positive qualities of mine and I am not ashamed of them. If society chooses to treat me badly and ostracize me for the differences that make me who I am, than it is not I that has failed, it is society.
There's a positive quality for you, George
. If all that I wrote seems in total contradiction to everything else I've said, the one explanation I can provide is that I experience massive mood swings…
Perfectionism and over-thinking are issues struggle with a lot. Dwelling on one thing is another issue I have. Always thought these were characteristics of me and not as AS.