It’s understandable. The feeling of everything coming back full circle…. trying to run away, and after so many years, the possibility of being back to square one. The apparent inevitability of it all feels horrible. But that’s what it is, only ‘apparent’.

You say you are “expected” to go home. But that is other people’s expectations. What about what *you* want? What will make *you* happy? You’ve suffered enough; don’t let that man win by feeling you have to go back and exercise his ‘power’ again.

Your step father had some control back then, okay. But this is in the past. Your therapist is right: *now* you have some control over your destiny. If you don’t want to go back, and IF at all possible, why don’t you try to get a job elsewhere? You have no one else apart from back home, but you could still visit those you want to. You’ll make friends if you decide not to go back, you’ll build a new – and safer – haven where you will decide who is to be part of your life or not. And where people won't be able to hurt you.

It doesn’t have to be how it was. But you do need to make a conscious decision to stick it out... despite it not being easy. And have your therapist help you along the way.