i've posted mainly in the survivors of abuse page but my depression has just been at its worst lately. i just want everything to end. i long for that emotional numbness where it doesn't matter what people do to me i just won't feel anything. these suicidal thoughts keep coming into my head and sometimes i'm sure i'll do it. it doesn't matter after all because i wasn't going to achieve anything anyways and it's not like anybody loved me. really, i have had people tell me that there are people who love me but i know that's not true. either they hate me or they don't care at all.

it's a cycle...something bad happens at home, i feel depressed, i can't focus on schoolwork and i get bad grades, depressed about grades and feeling worthless, then something bad happens at home again.