Dissociation & Depersonalization are similar.....

dissociation is when you completely leave yourself & don't know what is going on, loose time & sometimes don't know where you are or how you got there (mild dissociation is when you are driving in the car & don't remember driving the last few miles....mind has gone off thinking about something else, completely not paying attention to where the body really is)

Depersonalization......what I have been dealing with since going through the trauma that happened with the home care person when my mother was dying of cancer.......it's when you are sort of floating above yourself & you are watching yourself & hearing yourself talk, but it's like person is someone you are just watching.

First time I realized it hit me, I was at the ranch feeding 30 horses. I had just gotten out of the medical hospital being treated for anorexia with a central line & IV nutrition. My mother had died of cancer & the abuse & trauma that I had gone through with the home care person was still right there around me along with police reports & constant reminders of the horrible experience. I remember, I was standing on the bales of hay & someone said something to me. It was like I was way above the hay I was standing on & I was talking, but I had no idea what I was being asked or what I was answering. Scared me so bad, I had no idea how I could possibly know what to answer when I really didn't even know what the person was saying to me.

I was just looking through some of my DBT handouts & they say that dissociation/depersonalization are aftereffects of the emotions of anger, sadness, fear, & shame......any thing that triggers any of those emotions is probably what is triggering the dissociation even though you may not consciously know you are even thinking about the trigger.

I thought after moving 2100 miles away from where the trauma happened, I would be better off, but even the feel of fall in the air sends those triggers out to get me......also when a horrible accident happened right in front of my farm.......I did what I needed to do to get the necesssary help there (they were there within 5 minutes) bit it was like I was watching my every move & everything I said.

The feeling of depersonalization felt much worse before my pdoc finally explained what was happening to me......it's bad enough, I can't imagine what the feeling of dissociation would be like. I hate loosing time when I have taken a med that knocks me out. Would hate for it to happen in just the normal course of life.

Hope this also helps define better what you are experiencing & helps place the appropriate psychological term to what you are experiencing.