I feel for you. Dealing with the same thing. Father constantly raged at us. Mom was shredded, no self esteem. I felt same for years. Brothers even treated me this way and I felt I deserved it. The pain is great. But getting so much better. NPD father is alive. He's pretty alienated now. I feel guilt about that and frustration. Learning to limit interaction with him. He managed to turn my brother (possible narcissist/borderline) and sister-in-in-law against me and my mom. There's definitely the air of "you women are crazy". That never happened. Although we all have spoken about it and he was sick enough to photograph my mom's bruised cheek and eye. I fear for my sister-in-law. She's not familiar with this kind of manipulative person. She's blind to it in my brother. The heartbreak is great. However, i am slowly moving on. And, thankfully, my mom LEFT!!! hurrah! She's slowly coming out the fog (44 yrs of marriage, yes.). 44 years she endured (let it continue), but she got out and life is hopeful for her. Many friends have turned away in denial. They reach out more to him, feeling pity for him. it's frustrating. It feels like we're out here in another galaxy at times. People lump my (daughter) in with her, blame me or just plain treat me the same way. Not sure why. There is so little understanding of what people go through. Anyway, this is a very long way of saying that i understand. I understand what you are going through and there are no easy answers, as far as I can see. I feel I have lost at least 1 brother and may lose another as they listen more and more to dad or just detach completely.
Now my father (76) will shortly marry a much younger woman (30) from a far-way village. She is simple and sweet. He is manipulative and it is not entirely clear that she knows what she has in store for her. He will bring her 3 yr old son to the US, I think. God I hope so. I would hate to think he would try to separate them. There must be laws?!!
I am horrified that this boy will endure the life I did. For fewer years, it would seem, but still...I can do nothing to control others. Any thoughts? The only thing I see is that if there are signs of abuse, I have to speak up for the boy. Knowing what I know, I couldn't turn a blind eye to it. At the same time, I've worked on getting my whole life going and am just sick of dealing with the selfish rages and awful criticism he dishes out. i have to keep a distance,yet feel that the poor kid will grow up miserable and continue the cycle or just dive into alcohol/other drugs, who knows. Just venting feels good. If anyone has any thoughts, I'd be interested to hear.