Thanks, east. That's what I am hoping; that crying in T will transform the crying experience. Crying is never fun, but I think I need to learn to cry to mourn. I don't know if I've ever cried to mourn someone/something. That was inhibited at a young age.

Thanks Roadie. True...and that's how I'm trying to look at it. After I answer these posts, I'm going to move forward and distract by working (it's a good idea to work while at work, after all ). I no longer have the urge to SI. That stopped when the tears stopped. Last night was painful, but taught me a vital lesson and brought back some memories I'd suppressed.

Thanks, Hank. I may still be suppressing something related to my parents, but I do know one situation (now after answering Wikid) wherein tears were inhibited. We were pretty much indoctrinated in parochial school that tears accompany our sin; failing God, so to speak. The fundamental atmosphere I was in demanded perfection, or one wasn't "saved". We were taught God turned away from us when we "sin". I'm not a Biblical literalist, but in that school, where it was taken literally (except when it wasn't ), many things that weren't in there were "sin" (i.e. rock music, women wearing pants, men with long hair, etc.). So, if one was crying, one must be sinning, so the implied message was, "don't cry, be perfect."

Thanks, stopwolf . I've talked to my T twice about what she does when a client cries in session. The first time, she said she does nothing to comfort the person; that comforting is inhibiting. The feelings must be worked through. She said she comforted a client once and it turned out to be a big mistake. She said sometimes she talks and sometimes she prays while the client is crying. The second time, I asked if she just sits and watches the client cry. She said, "No, it's so much more than that." I didn't know what she meant then, and I still don't know. I figured if I ever cried, I'd find out.

I don't cry when I'm sad. I haven't done that since I was a small child. I just feel this overwhelming heaviness when I'm sad and I think the inhibition of the crying means I never really process sadness. I don't cry when I'm angry either. I cry when I experience frustration, especially at myself for having failed someone or something (which is what was triggered last night; that I'd failed H...it wasn't true, but I believed it for a little while).

Thanks, TD. You remind me of a coworker of mine. I started crying (just a few tears rolling down my cheeks) at work because I thought said coworker was trying to tell me I had failed my clients. She freaked out. I know now that she cannot handle seeing anyone cry and she rarely cries herself.