1. first trauma/abuse I told after enduring for a month, when I was six. Mother ignored me. so the abuse continued for several months on. Then next trauma/abuse by another perp(i was 8), I told after he tired of scaring the *#%* out of me with his gun, he let me go, but again I was ignored. So when trauma/abuse happened at 14 (by a new family member that joined our family through marriage)-- fins knew to keep quiet-- that it hurts less keeping quiet than telling and being ignored.

2. The mother (don't know why I did-- looking back it's quite clear SHE was
so NOT the person to go to...*sigh*... I can see that now.)

3. It felt like I didn't matter, that I was smaller than a speck of dust and just as easy to be blown away.

--- lived an inner life of chaos and quite isolated for 3 decades --- then I found some people(therapists and people here) that really listen and have compassion.