Chopin...you have been fighting so hard to CRY and it turns out it didn't get the results you were expecting.... I agree with having to mourn our past to move into our future, some people will need tears, some will need laughter, some will just need time. Healing comes in all sorts of packages... when we aren't looking the healing will find us.

((((((((((Chopin)))))))) no advice, keeping you in my thoughts. Sorry crying is a big trigger. I can relate my mom beat me everytime i cried, so did other people who abused me in my life. ((((((((((Hugs))))))))))

I hope the T experience transforms your crying for you.
When I was a child, I would cry and cry, but no one was ever there to comfort me. I finally learned that I cried only to comfort myself.
Now, when I cry I try to find a very private place. For me, crying feels like a weakness, because I can't control it. I don't want anyone to comfort me. The people who should have comforted me were the ones responsible for the abuse that caused the crying, so I don't know how to be comforted. I definitely don't want to cry with t-I am too guarded! Also, I get terrible headaches afterwords that last for the rest of the day and sometimes beyond. My t says I should cry as a release, but crying for me only causes more physical pain.
My point in sharing all of this, Chopin, is to let you know that you are not alone in not crying "correctly". I hope you can find a way to make crying a comfort for you. When it all works out, I will be interested to hear how you accomplished this task.
Bluemountains

This is some great insight, Chopin. Add me to the list of people who have a messed-up relationship with crying. My inability to control my crying as a child should have been a red flag for my parents -- instead it was a point of shaming and professed embarrassment on their part. It took me a really long time to feel ok about crying in therapy... which is part of why, reading through what I could of your posts about a "safe place to cry", I could empathize with your frustration with your T. Feeling safe while crying is not really something I see as pathological in any way, or indicative of your viewing therapy incorrectly. In fact I think it would be great if you could remove some of the triggering aspect of tears... and part of this involves feeling safe while doing so: that you're not going to SI, that the tears won't have negative consequences from the people you care about, and so on.

And I wanted to say, GOOD FOR YOU for not SI-ing. That's really awesome.

Chopin,

First, I'm sorry that you had the triggering experience, but it seems that you at least learned a lot from it. Back in your so-called "glory days" of borderline, do you feel that you used tears as a means to manipulate? If so, could it be that you now avoid or suppress crying because you've tried to eliminate manipulative or false behaviors? Obviously there are lots of reasons for crying that have nothing to do with manipulations--these are just my ponderings.