I actuall have today and tomorrow off- and all next week. Nice little vacation. Today I went for a hike with the dogs and took a nap. Tomorrow I might go see a movie or something - keep busy.

I know you guys can't tell me what to do. Although I wish you could! lol I feel like you have a better idea of what I'm dealing with than my mom might, for example since she has her own opinions, etc. She also has met him before, so I'm sure that slants her advice. you guys are almost like a clean slate - and have no slanted opinions either way. THat's why I value your advice.

Anyhow, I am still struggling. I did talk with him about everything that was bothering me. I feel a ton better. We also exchanged stuff when we talked, so if we decided to break it off, it will be one less thing to do later.

We shall see... I do sometimes think it's too overwhelming and feel like all I ever do is hurt people. Maybe it would just be better if I wasn't around. The idea of suicide has popped into my head, but I don't want to go through with it. I just feel like that's the easiest solution right now. Less trouble for everyone, u know? I was doing so well yesterday and today and now I feel like my life is a big pile of s*&%!