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I have often, especially lately wondered about this. I have not lost an abuser yet, but it's close. My father is a hard meth user, in the last 3 years he's lost about 150 pounds and all his teeth, and it's impossible for him to finish a sentence. I see his end nearing and I often wonder how I will feel. I have no clue though.
Many people when they have an absent father wish he was in their life, they cry and beg and wish they had him in their life. For me it was the opposite, I begged and cried and wished he was not a part of my life. Now that I see soon he will not be, I'm having conflicting feelings. I hope you find a way to cope with your loss. It's really confusing, and one minute when I think about the fact that soon he will be gone, I want to cry over the father I should have had and will no longer have that chance to have that, but sometimes I feel as if a weight would be lifted from my shoulders knowing I no longer had to fear him, but that makes me feel guilty.
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I'd lock my hands behind my head, I'd cover my heart and hit the deck, I'd brace myself for the impact if I were you.
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