Having major depression is a real thing and you have a right to be angry. I had it when I was your age but back then you didn't talk about. I can trace my illness back to grade school. I also have a great grandfather who shot himself and my mother was mentally ill. She died at the age of 52 of a heart attack. Surprise! Now they are linking depression and heart attacks.

I did have some bad things happen but after many years of finally getting my depression/anxiety treated and not under control totally but much better then before, I very firmly believe that most of the bad things that happened to me were a direct result of the mental illness. You're just in survival mode and you are not really capable of making good choices or decisions.

Here's another theory I have. All this talk about happiness is crap. (remember, it's my opinion and I have been known to be wrong!) I think happiness is a bonus emotion. We get to feel happy when something good happens. Anybody that walks around "happy" all the time is either delusional or high : ) Life is hard but I think what we need to strive for is a more realistic feeling of "contentment" or acceptance? YOU don't get to have that right now thanks to depression and anxiety just like if you had any other illness.

Then on top of that, society teaches us that this very real illness is simply us "feeling sorry for ourselves." So we should have a "reason." To me, it's the same as telling someone that God is punishing them if they get cancer or something. You have it and you have to battle it. I am quite sure you are way harder on yourself then you are on anybody else. This will get better and it's NOT YOUR FAULT. Don't believe those lies that your head tells you. Hang on and keep the hope. It will get better. We are fortunate to live in a time where they have meds and stuff for us.

One day at a time, my friend and with people like us, sometimes it's one hour at a time.