My husband has had an on/off drinking problem for years which escalated recently and brought me to the point you seem to be at now. I stop short of calling him an alcoholic because he can and does go without a drink for weeks at a time, no problem, but when he does drink he's not the same man and he has done and said things which are very damaging, so drink is a problem. It brought about a major crisis when he got drunk and said some extremely hurtful things to me a few months back - that was the wake up for me, and I finally faced up to the issue & my reaction made him face his actions because I was ready to leave (no empty threat, I'd had enough).

The advice you have given here is pretty much what the woman at Al-Anon told me, you are not responsible for his drunkenness or sobriety - only the drinker can choose to change. That was a tough one for me as I tend to take everything on my shoulders where family is concerned (to the point where I gave up all alcohol in order to encourage him even though I have never had a drink problem) but I felt better when I drew the line. He hasn't given up drink but like your bf he has cut down, like you I'm viewing this as a positive step, although I too would rather he gave up totally (as one drink can lead to two etc) we haven't had any of the damaging behaviour since he cut down. The way I see it alcohol takes the safety catch off, yes your bf may have had sober thoughts about this other woman etc but many people do have these thoughts just don't act on them and that's what counts IMO.

My situation differs to yours in that we're married & have a child. You don't have these ties, make the most of that freedom and please be very cautious about your future with this man, which it sounds like you are.

My best wishes, I hope he sticks to sensible drinking limits - do get in touch with Al-Anon if you haven't already.