I realized in chat last night that what i need is to set boundaries with mom. Something i will be discussing with t on thursday. T said last week that we will be needing to go deeper in our session "cant always talk about the weather" but thats not what we've been talking about. When im honest with myself, while t is a nice funny guy, i dont trust him. Hes often said things i knew to be untrue. I am a fairly intelligent person and it may work for most but not for me. A few weeks ago i was having a meltdown voices internally were keeping me awake all night. I called him because i was losing my mind. He told me he set the first part of mondays to the side to go visit patients who were homeless or had no way to get to the office he would visit them. He was going to squeeze me in first since i was having a hard time. When he left, supposedly he was going to his next appointment. Well 30 minutes later he called to make sure i was doing ok. He called from his office, when supposedly he was going to be out all morning for appointments. When i went in one day and told him i had taken a hit of marijuanna before my appointment to calm me he tells me about patients who go in there so high theyre asking him to take them to get a cheeseburger, something i also dont believe. He tells me, without names, about patients of his with DIDand when talking about one, some days according to t, the parts all integrated to one, other days they integrate to two. Its all small things but a lie is a lie and i dont believe lies help, even if they are meant to help. Its making it difficult to open up when i know he says things untrue just to ease my mind. Maybe he thinks i wont catch these things, but i do. Hes a good guy but how can you be honest and open with someone who wont do the same for you?

I just dont know. Hes a good t, he knows what hes doing, but i need honesty and not someone talking out their butt. I want to (but am afraid to) go deeper to get past this to heal, but i dont feel comfortable doing this under the supervision of someone who lies to me