Hi,
I'm not sure where to start. I've been fighting depression for many years, but I have been relatively fine for almost 20 years. At least fine in my mind, not sure how the family sees me. About 20 years ago I awoke one day with a severe depression attack, and couldn't shake it off, so I tried killing myself. In the hospital they recommended I stay there for a while, and I agreed. Little did I know they were going to lock me up in the psyche ward. It was a strange time indeed, as there were people there urinating on themselves and completely mentaly lost. I did not belong in that setting. Anyway I was put on anti depressants and told to stay on them. After about 1 year of that, I couldn't take feeling that dullness. You have to understand I work in technology, and my mind has to be sharp and quick. The anti depressants dulled me too much so I missed things.
I weaned myself off the pills, and have been sort of fine ever since. Until now. I feel like no one loves me or cares about me. I'm ignored constantly and if I died no one will miss me. I have a family, but they go about their lives not even noticing what I go though. I am seriously considering asking my doc for anti depressants, but I am so completely embarrased to do that. This doc has been treating me physically for a while, and I have never told him of my mental episodes. I feel like crying constantly and don't want to talk to anyone. I'm getting that feeling where I see no way out. Don't worry I know better than a suicide attempt now, but the feeling is the same and no less afwul. Should I tell my doctor?