3 little birds, if I repleced your name with mine, I would think I wrote all that. Wow does it describe me. I swing up or down, except the last few days I swung down and can't seem to swing up. Been dealing with this for years. I too am at that point where I start to think that's enough, so I can understand. And yes, weed does sound mighty inviting now. I know its not a solution, but the thought of something having a calming effect is inviting. But.. since it seems you are dealing with what I deal with, then remember from last time that its how you see your day or days progressing that is keeping you in that funk. Think of the fun stuff, and make something fun happen.