I managed to quit drinking ten years ago with the help of a meditation master. I studied with him for six years. I continue my meditation practice every day. I no longer fetch scary looking strangers from bars. That behavior was result of my intoxication. When I refer to accepting my situation I am referring to the denial of my bipolar disorder. I have refused treatment many times. I was diagnoses when I was fifteen. I refused treatment for nineteen years. I was hospitalized several times but never stayed with a treatment program longer than three months. This is the first time I have stayed in a treatment program. I have been in a treatment program for a year now. I am finding the strict routines and medication side effects difficult at times. There is still a part of me that wants to deny that I have a mental illness even though I have been diagnosed several times.