I feel that I am in a major depressive episode, when I have them they don't let up. my biggest frustration is that I can't get motivated to do anything and I am lonely although I have my five kids. I also am dealing so many other things and I have very bad luck. Everyday is bad I do get a break sometimes when I am the fake Vicky, the on who pretends to be happy but is hurting on the inside while being fake. I have nothing I feel like a failure at everything and I am expereincing different emotions or what ever. I want to do something wreckless, I don't know what but something. I look at my kids and when I yell at them or don't have enough time for them I feel very bad and guilty. for this one time in my life I feel like my ex husband can raise them better than me. I don't even know who i am I have lost my core which was who i was (funny, hopeful, empathetic, caring ect) and am only left with a shell and my fake front I put on in front of others in society. I also do feel like I am part of this worl d I floating around the outside looking down, there is not place for me.