I don't know how things got so off track....

We started talking about some stuff that's going on in my life...and then I started to talk about the synergy method exercises. I told T how I was struggling with doing some of the solo exercises....and how my mind and body don't seem to be speaking the same language.

T wanted me to get in touch with some of the areas that were tense...especially my neck which is my most triggery body part. And I ended up dissociating.....so much so that we ended up in his garden outside in the rain to get me grounded.

*** POSSIBLE TRIGGER ABOUT CSA ***

Apparently my neck is saying "don't touch me" and that you have to be very still.

I have a feeling that we won't be doing the exercises until I can figure out how to stay present during the session.

Edited to Add: And now I am scared that T isn't going to want to work with me anymore. With all of his talk about wanting me to try the synergy method...and how our relationship is working against us....and then what happened in session today.....UGH. I hate me.