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Hi guys—
So, yesterday something weird happened in t. (It’s actually happened a few times before, but this was the first time I was able to articulate it.) I was talking with T about something that made me anxious. Often when I get anxious I either shake my leg or twist up like a pretzel. I noticed I was shaking my leg, and then looked over and saw that she was slowly moving her foot back and forth. Then I started to notice other things about how she was moving, and I started to feel panicky. In retrospect, there was absolutely nothing threatening about her movements, but I felt totally threatened at the time. I felt like everything needed to be still. I even wished she’d stop breathing (not as in die…just not breathe).
Maybe relatedly, I sometimes notice that there’s something weird about the distance between us. On the whole I feel like we’re a little too far apart, but that it’s basically OK. Sometimes, however, I feel like there’s way too much distance, while at other times it feels like she’s excruciatingly close. It sort of feels like we’re in a tunnel or something, or maybe like I’m looking through one end of a telescope or another. (It’s a feeling, though…I don’t think I’m having any sort of hallucination or anything.) In reality, though, nothing’s changed and she’s still the exact same distance away.
Anyway, T wants me to think about what’s up with the stillness thing yesterday. I assume it’s just about my emotional comfort or trust or something at the time. But I’m wondering…do any of you ever experience any of these things? If so, do you know why? And has it gone away for any of you?
Thanks!
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