Wow. That is so difficult. My own T is doing the same thing, but we have been working together for three years now. It makes sense. But it is not easy to try to give ourselves what we need. Usually we don't even have a clue as to what we need! Then we have someone give it to us and we have no idea how they managed to do that. Like "Where did that come from?" When they tell us to duplicate what they did, we end up being very confused. It is not an easy thing to do.