I feel the opposite of mkac- I feel like your T is *telling* you that you *have* to change, but not helping you with *how* right now. I don't think the issue is whether you want to change. You are the one who put 'getting me to not want therapy' as a goal. But you can't just magically make that happen on your own- that's the whole point! I think I feel confused about your T's current approach. I feel like she wants the best of both worlds, in a way. She talks a lot about your 'Self' and what it's 'supposed to be', but then refuses to do IFS, which is where the concept of the Self comes from, and which has the strategies which will strengthen your Self (= Healthy Adult in schema therapy terms). Does she have other suggestions for how you can strengthen you Self?

I'm sorry it's so tough right now, but you can definitely do this. I understand what you mean about it feeling like T's talking about a different language when she talks about your Healthy Adult. Because I'd never had that, and didn't see it in the adults around me growing up,I literally couldn't imagine what that would look like or feel like. But keep on keeping on, and it happens- sometimes bit by bit, and other times all at once. You *can* do this