My iPod killed my attempt at a post so I'm not going to attempt to go into detail about what's wrong again. I'm just going to make a list. And say I do have a pdoc, but I haven't talked to him about any of this, except the attempted suicide.

1. I just cut again for the first time in two weeks.
2. I hate my bipolar meds.
3. I hate being bipolar because it reminds of me of the grandmother that tried to kill me.
4. I hate myself every time I eat.
5. Sometimes I throw up after I eat.
6. I'm really beginning to hate myself again. And I'm getting suicidal again.

I need you guys to talk to me. None of my friends can handle this and I can't afford to tell my pdoc. I can't fail my family again, and I can't go back to the hospital. I just can't do it again.