Okay I've had a really good few weeks, been feeling positive, calm, in touch with my spiritual side, etc. I've been determined to focus on the present and future and try to let go of the past.

Then on Sunday I read something on the internet that seemed to trigger me and I spent the whole day crying. It wasn't related to my past but my current situation - or at least, that's how it seemed to me.

On Monday I had a meeting with someone and issues around that have upset me. I had therapy on Tuesday and discussed this with her. I was feeling violently sick. T said she felt that the issues had triggered stuff from the past and what I was feeling was grief. During the session I felt almost like I was about to descend into a hysterical pit and it took all my strength to focus on t and stay present.

But I had been fine before

Since Tuesday I've had really awful dreams and during the day I have been feeling afraid for no obvious reason. I'm suddenly afraid of death which hasn't been an issue before now. Even my body feels afraid - I'm getting cramps and things and I just don't feel right, in a different way to normal as I do have health issues anyway. I'm struggling to find the words to describe it but the closest I can come to is a sensation of being 'taken over' - as if by fear.

The dreams have disturbed me terribly. Clearly they reflect some weird state of mind I'm in but I'm in a loop because it works the other way around.

I'm afraid of these feelings and of the weirdness that I feel. I was fine and then suddenly all those horrible dreams. Before I went to sleep on Tuesday night I felt consumed by fear.

I guess it's all the more pronounced because I had felt so positive and calm and it's as if the feelings have intensified due to the calmness I had been feeling.

Gosh what a ramble but can anyone understand?