Rainbow, start talking to yourself, literally, out loud. When you are driving somewhere alone or in the shower, etc. Get a conversation going so there are "two" of you conversing and you can be for yourself like we are here when you type and like your T is in your head, etc. That's the best way I know to get to know your self, you have to listen to her and talk to her and feel bad when she hurts, etc. Instead of it just being "you" that wants these things, it will be "her" that does and you will be helping her with them.

I've mentioned before about how once I was at work and my fingers got into an argument with my head about who had made a typo? One of them got ugly and started calling the other names and so I got a third me in there; I was doing this all out loud and when the third me got in there, objecting to the name calling (not allowing myself to be a bully or to be bullied, either one!) my coworker friend fell out of her chair laughing.

You have to get that kind of space going in your head and heart so you are all those things you are, at one time, instead of sequentially -- all needy, or all giving, or all other black-and-white/all-or-nothing thinking.