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Jun 14, 2012, 10:51 AM
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Member Since: Oct 2010
Location: Michigan
Posts: 6,543
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Dearheart, do you know HOW MANY kids feel the same way about their parents that you do? Do you know how many kids have said the same thing to their parents that you have? Kids are SUPPOSED to "hate" their parents when they're young. LOL That's because they're growing up and trying to be independent -- they're rebelling and don't WANT to listen to the older generation! Of COURSE they don't like their parents -- I didn't like MINE either!
But you CANNOT keep torturing yourself over things you said or thought! Otherwise, the whole world would be cutting, and killing themselves over the same thing! What you're thinking and remembering is just normal stuff -- but you've got to forget it because everyone did/said the same thing! You're no different than anyone else! Maybe you're just more sensitive to it, but you're not different.
You're just thinking about it now because your Dad is sick. FORGIVE YOURSELF -- your Dad forgave you the MINUTE you said it! Just ask him. He''ll tell you -- he KNEW you didn't mean it. ALL parents know that. He loves you unconditionally! You're his child! It doesn't come with conditions. 
It's never too late. But if you harm yourself you're going to break his heart. NOTHING will hurt this man more than if you do something to yourself! DON'T even think about it. YOU need to carry on in HIS PLACE. That's ALL HE WANTS.
Tell him you love him, and always have, although he knows that. But tell him anyway so that YOU will feel better. Spend time with him -- just the two of you. Keep telling him you love him. But never, ever harm yourself -- that's NOT what he wants for you. You don't have to become Prime Minister or anything, but he wants you to have a good life and a long one. Do that for HIM.  Pay him back THAT way. He loves you. Hugs, Lee
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