Thank you everyone i am glad i found a place that understands. I am writing my T an email, explaining everything i am feeling. Even though it makes absolutely no sense. It basically says I want to die, i dont want to die, im ready to give up, but im not, i want treatment, but i dont, i want to be happy, but i dont. Hahaha yeah craziness!!!

I am also telling her that i feel like i might not follow the "rules" of treatment once i leave the building and go home(outpatient)....as much as i dont want IP, i almost think it would be for the best because i do better when i HAVE to do something, rather then told go home and try this. Ya know?