I can relate 100% Edge and thank you for sharing. Also thanks Leed & Madisgram .

I have hurt my loved ones and most of all myself while drinking. I'm also a big blackout drinker and from what I've been told I turn into a totally different person when under the spell of alcohol. One of the quotes I have in my signature below (something I told my husband when 1st getting sober) That us alcoholics are kinda like werewolves, we turn into a monster and can not recall what ungodly things we did the night before. This was very true for me during my alcoholic life. It's certainly a cunning, baffling disease that controls everything. As Madisgram stated since you have that knowledge maybe a desire to change is there. Best of luck and take it one day at a time .