This is the most pointless post ever, but.. I MISS HER SO MUCH!

Eurghhh, what is wrong with me?! I'm such a pathetic little baby, I HATE myself!
I hate myself for feeling like this, I hate myself for being stupid enough to see a T who I knew I could only see for a few months, and most of all, I hate myself for revealing a huge secret and letting myself get attached in the last couple of sessions I saw her (before our abrupt ending)! Stupid, stupid, STUPID (not-so-little anymore) girl!

** ED behaviour(s) trigger warning **

I've spent the entire day binging (and I mean binging) on utter crap, as if food is going out of fashion. What in God's name is wrong with me?! I'm not thick (although my thoughts - and actions - would clearly beg to differ), I know my body is not a dustbin. Why have I started doing this again?! How do I think this is going to help me stop missing ex-T?! It's taking everything I have not to purge and purge and purge until I feel empty and relieved. I'm revolting!

My money situation isn't exactly good by anyones standard, but I was gifted £100 by a family member today (as a 'well done, I'm proud of you') and instead of putting it to sensible use, or buying a nice piece of jewellery to remind me of that family member and the sentiment (or the end of A-Levels).. I've spent ALL evening looking at and convincing myself to buy these 3 charms which remind of ex-T:

http://www.pandora.net/en-us/explore.../charms/790250
http://www.pandora.net/en-us/explore.../charms/790361
http://www.pandora.net/en-us/explore.../charms/790417

That is NOT normal. I'm convinced it would be more traumatising than comforting.. but part of me is just flipping out. I wouldn't be surprised if I end up with a teapot tattoo the rate I'm going. Again, WHAT is wrong with me?! This is ridiculous behaviour, but I CAN'T get a grip on it for the life of me!

Thanks if you've read this. I don't know what I want you to do or say.. I'm just so angry at myself for being this way, and so upset!