bashful, I'm sorry you're hurting.
You're not stupid nor are you pathetic.
Sometimes, I still feel an ache of missing my first T, too, a pang of hurt or regret for the way it went/ended.
I also have a couple things that are like reminders of her, a touchstone she gave me and a heart necklace charm .... things that remind me of the good. There are other things those are representative of (like hope, open-heartedness, emotional honesty, etc) but those particular things also remind me of insights she helped me gain or bits of wisdom she gave.
I bought myself something too that I also use as a symbolic reminder of T2, as well .... sometimes I wear both together as a symbol of how their work is actually connected together in me.
I see it as a positive thing. I don't feel like it's weird ... although some might think it is, because it's hard for others sometimes to understand why/how people might get attached to their Ts. But it's normal to get attached, and normal to want something symbolic, a reminder of the good to hold on to (from anyone whom we've loved, had a strong relationship with).