I know what you mean about overwhelming pain. I successfully managed depression with medication about a year or so ago. I stopped the medication with medical advice, did pretty well for about 4 months, but the last few months have seen me steadily slipping into despair. I tried to return to the medication, but this time lexapro gave me nothing but side effects. So, I switched to bupropion xl, and ended up with a nasty side-effect of tinnitus. So, no more meds for me. Now, I'm heading for the therapy route with a psychologist. I'm also talking regularly with my parish priest. Prayers do help.

I'm also writing back and forth with someone through the samaritans. Since I'm new, I can't post the link, but you can search for them from this site, because I found this site from them. and I find their replies useful. When I used to journal that became a litany of complaints that led me deeper into depression; now I write to the anonymous but supportive samaritans and their replies to me help me focus my thoughts on the positives.

One final thought that was shared with me by my parish priest yesterday: even on the darkest of nights, the sun still rises the next day.

Continue to vent and keep yourself open to the possibility that like all other things, this too shall pass.