So, I know that I am loved .... this does matter to me and it does make me feel good, secure, content.
I know in particular that my H does love me ..... but I also know in particular that he does not trust me and seems not to really respect me either. (Perhaps I've haven't earned it; or I've had it, lost it, and could possibly regain it .... but that's not the point of this post, really....)
And it's got me to thinking more about something I have thought of before, just not quite as deeply or deeply felt, perhaps.
But it's this: being loved is good, but somehow it feels less or not complete without the trust or even less without the respect. Like, how secure is a love, how meaningful is a love, when the trust/respect is diminished, distant?
So, even more than just being loved and being loved even in my imperfection, mistakes, faults and flaws, it matters to me that I would be trusted and respected even in my imperfection, mistakes, faults, and flaws. It matters to me that people I love or am close to could still believe I had good character even in my imperfections/sins, whatever .... still respect me even in my weakness, even in my darkness.

I've followed the thread about wanting or not to have people say 'I'm proud of you'. But you know what I want more than that? What matters more to me than that? What matters most to me, I think? That someone I respect/feel fond of/am close to, someone who knows me well, would say to me 'I respect you'. That matters most to me.
It hurts very badly to hear the opposite from one who lives with me .... who says he loves me and I believe it, but I want the respect ..... do I not deserve it, even if I have failed and am imperfect?
(And yes, I would love to hear T2 say to me, I respect you, too ... because I respect it and it would mean a lot to me, more than hearing her say she was proud of me ....)