At this time, my life's a big mess. I'm lying on the sofa watching a romantic movie under sleeping pills effect. The music in the movie is sweet and emotional "To do without you, I don't know where I will go, what I will invent...". It seems made for my husband. My husband, which is on the bed sleeping without me although he knows I'm not well at all, but he has to wake up at 5 o'clock tomorrow because he's a project manager while I am nothing and I expect just a day equal to the day before, but at this time I'll stay alone from now to Saturday morning because he'll have to work 24h non-stop. Me, at home. Tried to invite some "friends" but they can't, so I'll be lonely as always. No problem. I'm used to. But NOW when he's here at home and spend the last hours sleeping alone instead of staying with me... I... I dont' understand it. I don't accept. Because I said I wouldn't like to open my eyes tomorrow morning and he remained impassible. And so, I feel alone more and more. Drunk a glass of red wine. Maybe I'll intake another pill to forget this all asap. Obviously, I'd like to cut myself but I don't want to get up to go to the kitchen.
I loathe married or engaged men that bestows comments to other women as they didn't have seen a woman before or as they don't have been ****ing for months. They're stupid and anbereable. My husband shouldn't behave like this but tomorrow he'll stay in a crawd place for 24 hours and I can't know what he'll do and with.
I'm really angry and really tired. I'm angry because I'm not able to live. I could do it but I can't and I don't know why, but I loathe me for this. Because life is only one and I'm throwing it in the toilet and this beavhiour is unforgivable. Hate myself, hate myself, hate myself!!!