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Thank you everyone! My wedding isn't until April but I have to send out the invitations in the next couple of months to give plenty of notice for all of the out of town guests. My main two issues are my brother and my mother. I love them both, even have a tolerable relationship with them. My mom truly is a kind woman, and my brother is emotionally ill, or was at least. I mean we both went through very similar childhood situations. But none the less, as a result of his illness, I was abused. And as a result of my mothers mental illness, I was in a way very neglected and put in many situations I never should have been in. As well as it seems as if consequences don't register with her. She doesn't see me (it seems) as anything more than a story to tell. It's as if when I am hurting, sick or having mental troubles, the only thing she's thinking about is telling everyone about it. Introducing me to all of her friends "this is my daughter she has so and so" (referring to my mental dianosis', or any time ANYTHING happens what so ever, telling the whole world when honestly, it's no ones business. To have that around my soon to be in laws is worrisome. Not to mention the drinking, the alcoholics in my family that get over board with drinking. And if there are no drinks, there will be a lot of negative talk to me about the lack of drinks. And if I chose not to drink, there will be a lot of negative talk about me not drinking. There will be a lot of open sex talk about me (they find it funny that I get embarrassed or offended when THEY talk about my sexual life), I can already see myself looking over my shoulder waiting for me to have to stand up for myself in some way.
The past abuse, the past negative treatment by other members, as well as my brother and my mom is new. Very new. I never dealt with the anger before. I just put the blame on myself or made up excuses for why they are the way they are. But I am seeing more and more that I was treated very badly by the people I've defended this whole time. That some things, there just is no excuse. I'm trying not to ruin this relationship, it's only hanging by a thread as it is, so I'm trying not to ruin it, but I'm also trying not to drive myself insane. I have a lot of blackouts involving many of these people, and then I have a lot of self inflicted repressed memories, I forced myself to forget involving these people. And since my brother moved back, many of these memories have come rushing back. I'm just learning to actually process and not ignore this. And I just don't know if I'm ready to have a room full of these people, at the same time I'm trying not to ruin the fragile relationship.
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I'd lock my hands behind my head, I'd cover my heart and hit the deck, I'd brace myself for the impact if I were you.
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