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Triggers
The whole session with t today was about my anxiety. About all of my fears. The fact that I am afraid of everything. He asked me "What all are you afraid of?" so I start to list the things that really scare me...
Sleep
Being awake
Being alone
Being with people
Car rides
My own brain
Dogs
Anxiety
Panic attacks
Parts of religion
Death
the list goes on and on, literally. And these are fears that will send me into an anxiety attack. It's a nast cycle. I'm afraid of panic attacks which naturally creates panic attacks. I'm afraid to fall asleep, yet at the same time I worry about not getting good sleep which in turn makes me sleep horribly... It's just a million cycles, I'm afraid to live, yet I'm afraid to die. Each morning when I wake up, the thought of the day scares me, yet going back to sleep scares me. I'm in a constant anxiety attack.
So he spent the entire session working on positive thinking. Basically all of my thinking is screwed up. I can tell it is. So instead, I have to change all of the fearful negative thoughts to positive thoughts. "I will not have another seizure" "I will wake up in the morning and feel refreshed" "I will have good dreams tonight" I will not feel afraid when I wake up" You know, all of that funness. We'll see if it helps. Even though I wont necessarily believe it at first, I guess I will in time. I'm supposed to come up with 25 before our next session. We'll see how it goes...
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I'd lock my hands behind my head, I'd cover my heart and hit the deck, I'd brace myself for the impact if I were you.
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