TheSilentEmpath I feel like you often. Ive felt numb and like I am just living for no real reason, but at the same time I cannot see myself killing myself, at least not yet. I still feel that maybe there is a small chance I can find some happiness in my life eventually, even though at the moment and for most of my life Ive been consistently unhappy. I dont have any real friends and don't feel as if I have ever had a real friend. Just people who used me or didnt really care about me. I think if I was truly alone, and didn't have my immediate family that cared about me, I might be able to go through with killing myself. At least for now, I wouldn't be able to kill myself, knowing how it would effect my family. But I am just sick of going on and being miserable and just having your own family to talk to doesn't feel like enough. Im so sick of being lonely, but feel like I am too messed up to not be this way.

So I dont really have any advice. I am just in a similar situation. I dont know what my life's purpose is, if I will be happy, or if I will one day decide my life isnt worth living anymore. I am just confused and plodding along aimlessly for now. For now Ive just tried getting some enjoyment out of hobbies and small things in life like eating meals and things. I just feel really overwhelmed with anger and sorrow some days and it's very hard to deal with. Ive been in therapy for seveal months but dont feel much better. Am going to just say what the hell and try an antidepressant soon. Perhaps, theres something ****ed up in my brain making me unhappy. I guess I just haven't given up totally yet. Im still trying and hoping to make myself happy. I feel like I cannot give up and make such a permanent decision like killing myself until Ive tried all my options to turn things around. I do wish I was dead most days, but dont have the courage or the selfishness (since it will affect my family) to go through with it yet.

To Everyone in Pain and how to live in it?

I just want to say that I feel like this alot. In fact for months now (cant even remember when it got this bad), I have been very very down and feeling the way you feel Empath.

It is so very hard. I have major depression and no drugs, experimental or otherwise have worked for 30 years; neight has therapy.

I have felt better than this. Not great .. not heappy but better and "better" looks really great to me right now. I am praying for "better". And even though I say I have felt better,, it is hard to remember that.

Can anyone relate to this? Does anyone have any methods of coping when you are so bad off, you can hardly get out of bed, miss your therapy apppointments (which dont help at this point anyway), and it is a huge effort to write.

And, please someone, hit the keyboard. You never know whose life you might be saving or making just a little bit better if even for a little while.

I am waiting and hoping for someone to write. Thanks for reading.

Im right there with you. Thinking about suicide non-stop, especially at night. Been alone for my entire adult life. I manage to distract myself sometimes with healthy options and other times, not so much. Day by day approach works the best for me. These feelings of self harm have come and gone before. But lately Ive felt a bit of inevitability about it. And caring less about other's reactions or burdens. I just have to remember that the morning will come and at least that day has a chance to be better if I try to make it better. Im with you day by day.

(((((TheSilentEmpath))))) I feel like I could have written your post, although probably not as eloquently. I wish I knew what the answer is. All I can do is trudge through each day


You don't know how many times I've wished I could trade places with someone who's dying and isn't ready. I already feel that I'm selfish and ungrateful to be sat here resenting each breath when there are those worse off than me, but I can't imagine anyone dreams of a life where they spend each day wanting to die.

*Willow*

TheSilentEmpath,

Not a day goes by that I do not think to myself "I don't want to live anymore". I know I don't have what it takes to kill myself. I think about all of those things you said in your first post every day. I hate the cycle of life. I hate everything about life. I wish I was never born. I wish that I would never wake up again. Sometimes, like justanotherday, I sometimes listen to the heavy metal, Megadeth, Slayer, but also Metallica, Avenged Sevenfold, Killswitch Engage, Korn and Pantera. Anything that just sort of spits in life's face to try to relieve the pain. But lately I've become so numb I don't even want to listen to anything. I just drive in my car in silence, until I get to work and then carry out my duty of sitting in front of a ******* computer for 8 hours like a zombie and then leaving, not saying a word to anyone.