I've been struggling with this since last weekend, i thought i could deal with it but it hit me like a ton of bricks, my depression is back and hit me hard. I have no insurance and i can't afford any medication. My doc. Took me off my med. Zyprexa zydis, because of the side affects. Now i have to wait till the end off summer to go back and find another med. That will work. I've been fighting this depression and finding the right med. For 10 years now. That was the closest I've felt good on any med. I feel so stuck right now

Me and my partner (been together 10 years engaged for 3 and still no wedding plans). Its been a long road for both of us, I've tried to explain,counseling,information packets and leaflets, everything that i can think of to let him know what's going on with. He (to me) doesn't care and won't try to learn or listen about it. He says get over it.(i wish it was that easy)

Things were a little rocky at first getting off my med. But i managed it. im a stay at home mom of 3 kids.i do all the errands, take the kids back and forth to school,all the shopping, cleaning. All he has to do is go to work that's it. Its alot for me but I've learned how to deal with it.

We bought a house a year ago,it needed lots of work outside and in, so he fixed the big jobs inside and I've done the little one inside and all the work outside to the yard. Its really shaping up. I know how important it is to stay active so that's what I've been doing. I thought i was doing everything right.

He works 3rd shift,(used to work 2nd) he just moved to it a couple months ago, cus i was complaining that we never have anytime together or as a family. I hate to get my hopes up on things but i thought that we would be a "leave it to beaver" kind of family, now that he was home more at nite. That's not really how it played out.

This is what triggered it...
Last weekend i picked up my tablet and saw that it said download complete. I know i didn't download anything, and the kids aren't aloud to touch it(thank god) so i pushed the button. Up poped a nasty porn Video! I was in shock. I asked him about it, and he gave me this stuttered answer of i got it in an email and accidently opened it. Well i knew that wasn't the truth so i went checking all his email and facebook to find out where he got it from, i couldn't find anything. So i started questioning him about it. He finally said to was just a random act of porn watching.

Now here's the thing, we've had discussions about it before in the past. I have expressed that i don't like it, but if he does watch it i want it to be with me. I want it to be something intimate. Not him watching by himself.

I feel like i can't trust him now. I feel like i don't even know him anymore. I can't believe that he lied to me about it. And now im suspicious about everything. So many thoughts going through my head, especially when i look at him. What else is he Hiding?

So that's what sent me into this.i haven't been able to sleep lately, i took two sleeping pills tonite(uinsom) its 3:30am and still awake. Not eating right, really grouchy. I knew it was coming, but i didn't think it would be like this.

Any thoughts on This? Am i over reacting? I just don't know what to think anymore. Thanks for reading