i've thought about adoption a lot. I'm not sure if I can carry this baby for nine months, spend hours in labor, give birth and then give the baby away. I've always been a pretty responsible person, and to me even if i give this baby up I will always feel responsible for what happens in this child's life. My ex has asked me to just give the baby to him, but i feel like i would still be responsible for whatever happens in this child's life. My biggest fear is having a child in this world and years later having to explain to my child why I didn't want him/her or why I wasn't around. I've had an abortion before. The guy I was dating told me that he wanted nothing to do with the baby and if i kept it he would hate me forever. So I got an abortion. It was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made. It took me to be in this situation now to understand that I did the right thing.
It's just amazing to me that people can be so cruel and hurtful. This pregnancy is reminding me of everything I've tried to forget. I've been through so many up and mostly downs in my life, and it's hard for me to live through it. I wouldn't mind keeping this baby if I didn't worry about this baby having to suffer this life with me. It doesn't deserve that. I don't deserve it but I have to live it. I just don't want that for my child.