I know on one hand it's just a fight and it could blow over and be fine in a few days but I don't think so. I think the relationship has to end. At least for a little while. I think I need to be alone for awhile and work on healing myself and rediscovering who I am. And I think I need to see that my partner can stand on his own two feet and doesn't need me to survive. Maybe we'll get back together in the future.

I think seeing my ex-T on the dating site triggered something. I want to be the kind of person that someone like him would want to go out with.

I know I'm focusing on him specifically but it doesn't have to be him per se (and I know it can't be) but just someone like him. Someone more mature and grown up. Someone who has their life together and can take of themselves. Someone whose life trajectory is closer to my own. I want to leave the drugs and alcohol and partying behind and focus on spiritual growth and personal transformation and making the world a better place. I want to write. I wan to create a nurturing environment for children some day. I want a life filled with love and compassion.

And I don't think I necessarily want to be poly anymore. I want a partner who's committed to me, committed to personal growth, committed to creating a safe, nurturing environment for a family.

That's what I want.