Thanks all for the replies and concern. I really appreciate it. Since I last posted, I have gone back to cutting myself. I haven't SI'ed in a long time before that. Like, I SI'ed once in four years. I am also wanting to drink but so far I have been able to stave that off. I saw my T today and told her the truth, she is having me go to Intensive Outpatient 3 times a week. Hopefully that extra help will keep me out of the hospital and alive.