I can see that your hurting. I wish that there was something i could tell ya, but i don't know anything about self injury. I know that when your stuck in a rut its hard to get out of and try to see any positive. Have u ever thought about switching things up. Do things a little different. Maybe talking a walk a see your surrounds will help to give you motivation to change things. Do you see anyone, a therapist or Dr. Maybe they could help. Best wishes to ya :-)