Hi therealme,

I can certainly understand & agree with your feelings. Living in the US I'm sure has some differences than in England, but the way people look at us who are disabled are probably very similar. I have been on disability for over 12 years.....it started as horrible anxiety attacks related to my work situation. At the time, I didn't even realize or understand what was happening to me. I felt like a wild animal that had been pushed into a corner with nowhere to turn. I felt that my only choices were to attack & flee or lay down & be dead. I never knew anyone that had problems or felt like I was feeling. I think the hardest part of our type of disability is that it isn't obvious to people who just look at us. I mean, we look normal (for whatever normal is?)

I know that during these 12 years, I can ride my horses. I do dressage showing & I used to even show my american eskimo dogs almost weekly. I even went back to college & took computer graphics courses & interior design courses, getting all A's. There have even been times in my own mind where I wonder if I am really still disabled. I was an aerospace engineer for over 15 years after getting my BS degree. I know I could never go back to that career even if the technology hadn't passed me by. I know also that I have days now when I can't even get out of bed & the simpelest thing triggers me into that condition. However it isn't something that anyone outside of my house know about.

I too get angry with people that say that we fake our illnesses just to get disability money to live on. However, I know here in the US (for me at least), the amount of money that I get for disability is nothing compaired to what I can earn as a degreed person & definitely doesn't allow me to live in any type of luxery. I would never want to get disability as my income if I wasn't at the point where I couldn't work anymore....it barely makes my monthly payments let alone pay for my medications. My mind does tell me when I am having horrible anxiety attacks that I did pay my dues (the amount of money that came out of my pay checks weekly when I was working) into the disability system......so actually, I am just getting back my money that was taken from me in taxes.

Being disabled with a disability that isn't obvious to people from the outside is difficult to deal with. I do agree with the other posters, that it is important for us to not take everything like that personally & feel attacked by something that isn't specifically aimed at you. It is definitely harder to do than to say, but it is a very important thing to do when we are dealing with a mental disability otherwise, it can make us worse. I am proud of you writing to the paper & explaining your feelings. It is important for them to hear our feelings (our side of the situation). That is great that you were able to put down your thoughts & express your feelings.

Take care,
Debbie