thanks much, stopdog and LMTL, I really really do appreciate your answers, support and input.

Stopdog, not to make you feel more clumsy or awkward (and you didn't come off that way, either, by the way), but I find it means a lot to me that you say you respect me. I value that. I may not always understand things about your experience or situation, either, but I can also say I respect you, too.

LMTL - I have felt empowered, or at least bold enough, to ask him not to read my personal stuff. I have been direct and definite about my feelings on this and where my boundaries are.
Something happened before, where he read my closure letter to my first T and I was furious. It came up in marriage counseling and the marriage T agreed that I did have the right to have some things private, that people in a marriage still had rights to have boundaries that the other one needed to respect. He apologized then, I accepted that. But his feeling then (and still) is that things shouldn't be hidden, that I was hiding things that shouldn't be hidden, that I should be telling him ALL these things and he had a right to know ALL of them. As if there weren't things he hadn't told me, too .... because there are .... things I learned later, and a sense of betrayal and manipulation that I have felt.
However, I think there is good reason to NOT tell your spouse EVERYTHING! And I am living right in the middle of the reason why .... because some things are hard for your spouse to see and to deal objectively because they can be taken so personally or be easily misunderstood/misjudged, some things are hurtful and not beneficial to know. But dealing with them in a different arena, say in therapy or here on PC, allows them to be worked through without necessarily having to have such a detrimental effect on the relationship ....
I am honest and open with him in many areas ... but not all things are safe to share, and not all things MUST be shared in order to still be honest and open. Nor would have I felt it wise, advisable or tactful to tell him certain things I did post here, things others said/felt ... hell, what good would it have done to bluntly point out, yeah others think you're a jack @ $$ .... but dealing with that here, with my feelings about that here, was a way to deal with them so they wouldn't bleed all over my communication with him later! But he looked, so he saw, so he felt cut and wounded, and there has been lots of blood. (metaphorically speaking!)
As far as why I had to promise .... well, his feelings is that this is not true connection .... that time spent here is like living in an illusion, that I'm spending time here trying to help people while neglecting my RL, neglecting him/the children, that I get obsessed, etc ..... I don't really know why all he has such strong feelings about it, there must be something deeper than even those things. I have tried to respect the way he feels about it, because he has a right to his feelings too and a right to have respect for them, but I still wish that he would learn to respect why this is important to me, that it is real/valid, that I can maintain a balance ..