Quote:
Originally Posted by Snuffleupagus
The part I bolded (or attempted to from my phone) IS a core value. My experience in the religion I was brought up in was that this value was seen as menacing and dangerous--that my human nature was so predisposed to sin that any dilution any deviation from exactly what was taught was bound to result in the pollution of my soul.
My church seemed to have an incredible fear of the worldly, the secular, (which I now think of as simply human) such that we had to culturally insulate ourselves to keep from being poisoned by seductive ideas to stay pure --to not be unequally yoked. To allow respect for these ideas is the beginning of the seduction, so they must be demeaned for our own safety. The cognitive distortions of psychology were in many ways the basis of the doctrine I grew up with. Try letting go of a distortion when some deep part of yourself still believes doing so will land you in hell. This was my experience, FWIW. I don't know much about your church or if you can relate to any of these feelings.
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The parts I bolded are parts I have felt/experienced, much more so recently .... or I should say, I acknowledged and accepted that I felt thus and that it
was not a sin or wrong or lack of faith that I had them, that actually I could have my own thoughts/convictions on certain things and still be right spiritually, have faith God would recognize. For me, there was always an incongruity between certain things (outward things) that were taught/expected and what I actually felt/thought for myself deep within - this was what T1 told me, that she saw this incongruity and that it was part of what was tearing me apart within, something that kept me from being authentic or feeling safe to be authentic, because there was that conflict. The part I bolded in red, yes, very much yes. I thought deep down I must be very spiritually wrong/defective/condemned if I questioned or had a hard time fitting into certain expectations ....
I say nothing against my church. My people are really very lovely sincere people and I love and respect them, and the standard is not wrong (or even unscriptural) so much as it is strict and sort of takes away liberty where there really could justifiably, scripturally, be room for liberty ..... there is a tendency on certain things to be sort of legalistic, I guess. Sometimes an emphasis on outward things, such as choice of dress, cutting hair, painting fingernails, considered to be showing that there is not submission, faith is weak etc .....
What is important, truly important, however, to me, is truth in the inward parts .... living authentically and honestly.
Nothing wrong with conservatism, but the definition of sin and what is considered to be of the wrong spirit is somewhat narrow ...
But I am not conservative. Nor is H conservative in some things either though in others he is more definite, certain, certain that there is but one interpretation and not room for individual conviction .... On big essential principles, I have not gone radically different, but there is a growing difference in certain convictions/values/doctrinal thoughts, even, that divides us .... and makes him feel less respect for me along that line.
So be it.