I feel like I have come a long way but I still after all these years sometimes feel the same way that you do suzzie. Its like this *thing* is embedded in my mind and I just cant get rid of it.

I always try really hard to replace it with a different idea of who I am or if I cant do that I focus my attention elsewhere. I am a perpetual student, so I try to focus on learning something new. I will read a book that is of interest to me (right now its The Antiques Roadshow Primer)

For me, the less I focus on the negative thoughts the less power they have. And I try to remember that many many many people have the exact struggles that I do. I do whatever I can not to give those thoughts power over my actions. Sometimes it feels like denial, but then it works so okay!!

Anyway, hugs to you. I'm so sorry for the pain youre going through right now. I hope you receive an overflow of support.