y'all sound like I've convinced you that this is a good thing and I appreciate your confidence in me but let me just say something really scary and horrible about myself...

What if I've done this because I want to be "available" just in case my ex-T might possibly consider a relationship with me someday?

That would be the stupidest mistake anyone ever made wouldn't it? Can you imagine blowing up your relationship for a dumber reason?? I can't.

But when I read what he (XT) wanted in a relationship I wanted to be that person. I wanted to be with someone like him. I want to show him I can be the stable, healthy kind of person that someone like him would date. I do, I do, I do! I know he liked me back. I'm certain of it. I know that's why he referred me to someone else because he couldn't work with me anymore because he was too involved personally. I'm sure of it!

Even if I convince myself that nothing with XT can ever happen though I'm saying that I still want someone LIKE him. Someone grown-up and mature. Someone I don't have to take care of. Someone with self-awareness and an interest in personal growth. I want that.

I just am not clear on my motivations here. That's why I want to call this a time-out, not a break up.