I know a lot of people say being numb is awful, and meds have been so high that they've made me numb, but I honestly prefer that. I hate being an addict. I feel like any negative coping mechanism will do. And then today I had a great day, but even in my happy elated state all I wanted to do were reckless thigns that I knew I shouldn't. I didn't by the way, but still, even happiness just makes me want to feed my addictions. Of course this leads me to my current sad state, because I feel like such a bad person for wanting bad things when everything around me is going so well.